How it all started for me

How it all changed for me..... Life I thought was going so well 5 months earlier I found out I was pregnant, 3 day's earlier I had found out I was having a baby boy! Oh yes life was going well the only thing I had to complain about was that my boyfriend was drinking to much and I wished he would slow down some..... I had an appointment set for July 25,2008 to go see my obgyn because I am a high risk pregnancy and I had to see my doctor all the time, and then it happened! We my ex, my daughter, and I were at my friends house having dinner.... We went to our house and once it was bed time I started feeling really sick, it all happened when I layed down that nightI couldn't breath so my ex called 911 that's when my entire world came crashing down around me...... Not only was I holding fluid in and on my lungs but within 5 minutes of each other it happened they did an ultrasound to make sure my son was okay and there was no heartbeat, my son was gone, and then they told me the tests were back my kidney's were failing I was only using 7% in one and 9% in the other...... I cried and cried! I didn't know what to do I didn't want to live anymore, my mother came in and told me no you have to fight I know you lost your son but your daughter still needs you she needs her mother....At that moment the surgen came in and said he had to put a port in my neck right then in the ER room, that hurt so bad I felt every bit of it, it was the worse pain ever.... But the first time I did dialysis I felt so much better! I felt like a normal person again like I could do anything I had so much energy it was so nice to not be so tired anymore, and not have a migraine everyday.... But thats when the fight started for me, I got really depressed because not only did I get really depressed but my ex also started treating me different he started calling me names telling me no one would ever want to be with me because I am sick.... The thing is I really am sick I didn't realize what he was doing to me at the time..... Then came March 2009 something wasn't right and of course he had been drinking since 7am that morning I told him please call 911 something is really wrong, I couldn't breath well it felt like I couldn't breath, but then things got so much worse when I got to the Hospital  they put me in a room and all of a sudden my left arm started hurting but I couldn't move it not at all I remember yelling my exe's name out and then everything went black I didn't wake again for 4 day's and thats when I found out that my ex told the hospital that my family wasn't allowed anywhere near my room, my father lives out of state and he couldn't get any information because my ex wouldn't allow it.... When I woke up my ex went out of state for a fishing trip when he came back he broke up with me and said that it was all my fault he cant handle being with someone who is sick... He said that I never did anything for him but all the while he was cheating on me, and I did everything for him in fact I did more being sick then I did when I wasn't sick.... I called my brother he said no worries sis I will be there everyday my brother told me I was beautiful because my ex brought me down so much 2 months after I had my seizure in March I was at dialysis and I told my kidney doctor that I was holding way to much fluid, this man was in a rush and told me oh you will be fine! Well that night after hanging out with my brother and sister in law I told them I was going to bed well as soon as I layed down I knew something wasn't right and went to the bathroom, I started throwing up blood.... my nephew who was only a little over a year old came into the bathroom and my sister in law followed well she called 911 and guess what I had over 30 pounds of fluid on me the was on May 2,2009 and well I didn't come off lifesupport until my birthday May 7,2009 to me it was a way from god to show me that I was starting my life over! I was so scared and I had already been put on meds for my depression and anxiety well after the seizure and being on lifesupport  my depression and anxiety have got worse because now I am so scared that I am going to die, or get sick and be put in ICU again and then who is going to take care of my daughter? So I took a year off from dating, and being in a relationship! Until I met my husband but thats a story for anyother time!

Thanks for listening and I am sorry this is so long but the reason I wrote this out is because no matter how hard life is for us, it will get better one day! It will just take time sometimes it takes a long time!!!!!!!!